Inspiration at Your Fingertips

What a sigh

I logged onto my school account to look at my grades today. All A’s. Good Lord, I’m not trying to brag, but first I need to say that to make this point. What good has this done me? Yes, I will hopefully get into the college I want to and hopefully I’ll get a huge ass scholarship, and hopefully I’ll do well in college and I’ll get that job that I’ve wanted since I was in 7th grade. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll do what I’ve set out to do and I’ll actually make a difference, but over the past several weeks, months, years, my brain has been churning and flipping and working and solving and discovering, and good grades and a life goal are not enough. What about now? I know that I’m some crazy revolutionist who believes that maybe one day I can do something great and I can change something and even crazier of me I believe that I can do it now, but being stuck in a classroom for 7 hours a day working my ass off isn’t helping me get anywhere. I know it’s a privilege to be able to learn, but it’s also a privilege to fall in love and get married to who you want, but that’s not a requirement of society and it’s certainly not something that I’m planning on taking advantage of. What I mean is that I feel bound by this societal obligation. Somewhere deep inside of me there is the pang of anxiety. This voice that is telling me over and over and over again to stop assigning so much worth and value to school and begin dedicating my time to what I know I’m supposed to, because in the long run I’ll never remember what grade I make on that Latin test on Thursday or on that Geometry test next Friday. They have no ultimate baring or weight in eternity, at least not for me, and they sure as hell wont help me make a difference in this world. I know that I won’t do that though, and honestly it’s sad. It’s sad that I’ve been so drugged by society and other’s expectations that I won’t do what I really believe I’m supposed to in this ephemeral life. Instead, I’ll waste more time, and maybe one day I’ll get it right. Hopefully sooner rather than later.